2). Who you want in a relationship is important and when you are willing to ask for it, you will be able to create it. But only ask for what you want when you are clear about what it is, until then, don’t go around demanding things you think you should have.
3). We get exactly what we focus on the problem or the solution. We make a choice between them with every decision we make.
4).Tell yourself the truth about what you want not what others (family, friends, spouse) say you should have.
5). Tell everyone else your truths about what you want, don’t be afraid to share your vision and dreams with those you love.
6). You are not defined by your relationships unless you choose to be. Consider what it says about you if you deed over your soul to one.
7). Interdependent (two depending people) relationships are the only ones that work, long term.
8). Truth is the first thing necessary to create trust in our relationships. Respect is earned from trust, and love is earned from respect. Intimacy is the gift we get when we risk telling the truth.
9). Fear of intimacy is fear of the truth. Your truth is better for you than someone else just get to know what it is, so you can finally own it and speak it.
10). If your relationship is not getting better, it is probably getting worse. Life is dynamic and nothing ever stays the same.
11). Every relationship is unique, it takes what it takes to work, if you want it to work you have to work it, no shortcuts. No 50/50 deals.
12). It is not your job to fix your mate and it is not his or her job to fix you, take the relationship and what your mate says as face value and stop reading into it what you’d like to hear, we can work with what’s real. It’s impossible to deal with what’s not real.
13). Unconditional love is inside jobs, if you haven’t gotten it by now, guess what… start working from within. When you can give it to yourself you can give it to someone else. If you can give it to someone else, you will recognize when it is given to you.
14). If you both are committed to creating a functional relationship. Agree to start doing today without any judgment about the past, be willing to work in the solution and let go to your need and control your outcome moment to moment, one day at a time, joy can only be experience in the present moment.
15). Most of our fears of what may happen in this relationship are really fears we experienced in past relationship and have nothing to do with this person. Come to grips with what’s real and what’s Memorex.
16). When in an argument, ask yourself, “does this really pass the so what test? For you to be right does the other person has to be wrong? Think about it, life is short. Don’t waste it on arguments that has no meaning to purpose. You can always agree to disagree if you need to, and then laugh about it and go on to the next thing. Start observing your need to argue as just another dysfunctional, immature habit that needs to be broken.
17). When we finally learn to say we are sorry we get to finally hear we are O.K to err is human and there is great virtue in all forgiveness. The best way to teach our children this lesson is by watching us demonstrate it.
18).Any negative, hurtful or sarcastic remark is abusive. Like a sharp knife, each word will carve out a chunk of a loving relationship that can never grow back, please consider the source and outcome of your remarks before you open your mouth to tell your truth.
19). Never let a day go by without saying and showing how much your relationship and partner mean to you. Never take a moment for granted. Express how grateful you are for your good fortune. However meek and humble it may be. Appreciation and gratefulness have magic in them. It seems the more we express them the more reasons we are given to say thank you.
20). To have a functional relationship, you have to be willing to risk losing it every day, by tell your truth. Start asking yourself why you think is so important to stay. And what else you are willing to lose beside your self esteem.